Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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