I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
