I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
