I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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