just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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