I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I am one with the molecules
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
