Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
