Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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