she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
