He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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