that's an acceptable place to lick
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
