You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
