On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
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Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
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Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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