When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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