my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
