Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
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I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
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I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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