Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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