My Higher Power is John Stamos
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
