i will never coherently bang her
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
