help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
