I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
