Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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