I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
