And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
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