those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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