He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
