maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
