Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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