Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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