when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So vagazzling was a success
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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