let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
