A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm at about main and main street
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
