Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
