so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
