Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
