i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
