I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
