so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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