The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
