Screwed.edu
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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