Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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