So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
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I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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