I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
