btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
