My hand turned me down
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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