It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
last night I used snow as a chaser
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
