My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
