a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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