would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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