i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She even gives head with a lisp.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
