Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
be right there i have to get my cape
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
