We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
