Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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