I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
