It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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