I think my vagina is haunted
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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