He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
