Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
