I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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