I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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