dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
