booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
