You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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