He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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