she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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