We need to rekindle our bromance
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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