dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
is wine microwaveable?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
