peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am mentally ready for anal.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
