Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
smell my finger.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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