They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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