Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
