I think my fart just growled at me.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
