dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
