dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
