operation harelip BJ is a go
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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