dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
