It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
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An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
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Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize