I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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