I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
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