i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".