Will you blow on my dice?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'