if i can run in heels then i can drive
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?