i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass