I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.