Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.