he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.