I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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