im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
