Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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