Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
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I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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